I SEE this question posted with some regularity in the personal ads, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there who haven’t figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: You did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy — the one that you were intimate with — treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girl friends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, you thought, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too old or too young, too short, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, you thought, a little weird, if you weren’t dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became “boring,” or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend.
Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that modern women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the jerk boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some real money, and generally acted like more of an ass than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he’s probably “getting some,” and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of where it’s been.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab hold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you still don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you and your social set have ruined your life. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the mental garbage and posing and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t goddamned want you now.
A Recovering Nice Guy.
EDITOR’S NOTE: It is the sex-without-love attitudes inculcated by the mass media and the anti-Nature “sophisticates” that are responsible for the breakdown in the love relations between men and women in the West. And the resulting below-replacement birthrates spell our doom unless we change things, fast. Nice guys have the right instincts, but little insight. Both sexes need to treasure and love and appreciate each other if we intend to survive as a civilization — and have meaningful lives as individuals. — M.P. Shiel